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Welcome to Orsm.net. Fake.
We've had a few of those nights this week where it's been so cold you can just about hear testicles retracting all over town. This usually doesn't worry me. My testicles are small and it's hardly noticeable. Sleeping is an odd one though. The colder it is, the better I sleep. Electric blankets, heaters, thermal underwear etc are all for the weak but there's been a few times I've almost had to reconsider this manly strategy. Sometimes it doesn't matter how foetal you get or how high you pull the doona up, you're going to freeze.
Thankfully I've managed to remain illness free... so far anyway. There's some nasty shit going around and despite a touch of asthma my isolated and reclusive lifestyle is proving a winner. Memories of getting wiped out by mumps a year ago remain strong though. My neck was and throat were so swollen that I was scared to go to sleep for fear of dying from asphyxiation. Fun times... fun times.
Pretty sure someone had intentions of stealing or at least breaking into my car last Thursday... or maybe my house. It was update night so late to bed - around half one. A few minutes after I tuck myself in the dog [who sleeps inside] starts barking and going bananas pacing quickly from the back to the front of the house. She practically never barks after lights out unless she wants to be screamed at. Anyway I didn't worry too much about it and went to sleep. The next morning I went outside and found the side gate wide open so someone had definitely come in and obviously been scared off.
Honestly what would I do without a German Shep? More people should have them. Any bad guy hearing the bark isn't going to mistake it for a poodle. I've had it before when I lived at home. It was mid-morning, I was still asleep, the only one home and a group of guys came into rob the place. Got as far as my bedroom before they bailed. Scary stuff and our Cocker Spaniel wasn't much help...
As for the car... I learnt the hard way long ago not to leave anything valuable. Beyond that it's pretty much unstealable [to anyone that would actually want to knock it off] and even if they did, it's insured. Worst case scenario I end up with a brand new car.
While I'm on the subject of stolen cars... there was a crash on Friday night south of Perth which involved five boys - all cousins and brothers, all under-aged, all unlicensed. The car was stolen and four of them died in the wreck.
After seeing the grieving family on the news I came close to feeling sorry for them. Any loss of life is a sad thing right? But then more of the story comes out. It wasn't just a one off mistake. It wasn't even the first car they had stolen that night and they'd been nice enough to thank the owner for the 'loan' by torching it afterwards. And then they stole another one and then they died. Karma anyone?
One thing I did find a little surprising was the community response - the amount of people saying 'no sympathy', 'deserve what they get', 'better them than someone innocent' and so on. I guess we've hit that point where people are so sick and tired of this shit happening that opinions have become harsh...
Okay that'll do for the social commentary and I should probably get cracking with this update... unless you guys want a few more paragraphs of waffle...? Nup I didn't think so. Anyway check it...
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If anybody ever says that you are ugly, stupid and mentally slow... Fuck 'em! You can't help it!
--
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men." "What's your name?" she asked. He said, "B.J. Titsengolf""
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A tourist parked his car in downtown Canberra. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What!?" the man huffed. "Do you realise that I am a member of the Australian Parliament?" "Well no..." the tourist said, "I didn't realise that but it's all right - I'll trust you anyway."
| NIKKI BENZ |
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TOP TIPS
COOKING: Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
DRINKERS: Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $50 to yourself by Australia Post.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
HOME MAINTENANCE: You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
WAKING UP: A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
HOME IMPROVEMENTS: If it doesn't fit - get a bigger hammer.
CINEMA GOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.
BATHROOM: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
RAPPERS: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'?" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside department stores with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".
MICRA DRIVERS: Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the thing like a dodgem car anyway.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
COOKING: Boil an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan.
SHOPPERS: Take one grape to the till. It won't register on the low-tech, insensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure 100 times or so and you have yourself a free bunch of grapes.
TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.
COLD: If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a Naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto - a warm snack!
HOME MAINTENANCE: If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
HOUSEWIVES: Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.
YOUNG MOTHERS: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.
FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANTS: When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed and charge them $50 labour costs for the transaction.
ORSM
VIDEO
- CLICK HERE TO SEE A TASTY BRUNETTE BABE GET FUCKED ULTRA HARD! -
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet", said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little upset, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"
| UP TO YOUR NECK IN IT |
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull. She decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realises that, in her financial position, she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word comfortable".
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul'."
| PUNISHMENT IN IRAN |
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READER MAIL
A recent study held by one of the big universities surveying 13 billion participants concluded that if you have not or do not submit to Orsm Reader Mail then you are without a doubt gay. It also found that 87% of respondents did not realise it. To rectify this it was suggested submitting ex or current girlfriend pictures, fucked up shit, cool shit, funny shit, random shit, jokes, videos - whatever. Pretty much anything you can squeeze down the internets. All you must do is click here and make the magic happen.
Ra wrote:
Subject: Response to this reader mail
Hi, I thought I'd write a response to Daniel who felt it was appropriate to title his
subject with "Stupid Indians" when referring to a photo in a shop window. Apart
from the assumptions that it was placed by an Indian person when it may have been
a person from any other country running the establishment, his racist slur was
quite ill directed. I'm born in India, I have lived in Australia for over 18
years from the time of primary school. I bleed Australian blue. I'd like to
remind Daniel that the so called "stupid indians" are the majority of the time in
the top students academically here in Australia, I need not remind him about the
numerous number of Indian engineers and doctors (minus Haneef and Patel) and all
the various other educated professionals. I have personally seen the education
standards of both countries at high school level and frankly, if the average
Australian high school kid could spell the word, "prejudice", I'd be impressed
and perhaps they should learn it before practising it. Let me also remind him
that India will be one of the emerging world powers and it is a very likely
possibility that with the increasing corporation juggernaut and globalisation,
Daniel may well be working for a "Stupid Indian Company" that pays his wages. Let
me also remind him that, with China and India being the world's largest
populations in the world and with increasing migration to Australia, Daniel's
mother, father, daughter, sister, niece, nephew, cousin etc, could end up with a
Chinese or Indian person (wouldn't that annoy him). In the words of Russell
Peters, "You can run but sooner or later we're going to have sex with you".
Daniel might as well have left out the bit about the "stupid indians" and it
wouldn't have changed the joke. Its like getting a photo of Schapelle Corby and
family or the Bali 9 and writing "Stupid Australians" as a caption. Although we
know they're Australian, the point is irrelevant that they're Australian, they
are just plain stupid. In short, fuck you Daniel, you ignorant prick. :)
Hard to argue the Corby family point. What did her dad say? "I'm the kind of guy that goes to the shops for milk and doesn't come back for two weeks." Winner. Oh and Indian chicks are hot. Especially the ones that have the little cum target dot on their foreheads. -Orsm
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< with held> wrote:
Subject: Charlton Heston's gun vault
Hows it going? Damn I love your site. You posted some pics up that show a private gun collection falsely labeled as Charlton Heston's. The guns actually belong to Bruce Stern. An attorney and Vietnam veteran, he was involved in a number of military and firearms related organizations. He was a member of the National Rifle Association (NRA) Board of Directors. Mr Stern passed away in July, 2007. A good portion of the collection was auctioned off not too long ago.
The false info has been running around the net for a few months in a chain letter. |
Mike wrote:
Subject: chapel or exit
Hey Mr. Orsm, attached is a pic from a friend of mine from her sister's wedding. Cheers |
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: Douching cream?
Hey Mr Orsm I found this in my housemate's bathroom and thought I should share it with the internet, although I'm not really sure whether this is "cream of douche" or "douching cream", and I don't think I want to know... Love the site, it gives me something to look forward to at the end of the week -- no details please. |
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: tits
This is the first time I am sending you something. These are pics of a dentist assistant I was fucking around with. Do not show my info. Hope you like them. |
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Doc. wrote:
Subject: S.A Numberplate
Hey Champ, You have THE best sight on the web, and I eagerly await every update each week. Now that I've finished blowing smoke up your arse, I have a lilttle picture for you. You've probably had this submitted already but anyways. Saw this on a car in Nuriootpa, which in the Barossa Valley for the geographically challenged. Note the correct spelling too!
Everyone wants to be like... me. -Orsm
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Doug wrote:
Subject: dog balls
Hey orsm. I was reading "Scamp Learns a Lesson" to my little girl the other night and I came across this page. And I thought why is Jim grabbing Scamps balls, and why would we teach our children to grab a dogs balls?
Is anyone else turned on by this...? -Orsm
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Jerry wrote:
Subject: phishing fail!
Hey Orsm, Love your site. I check it every Thrusday without fail. This one was found recently in my junk folder. If anyone fell for it, what can I say, they deserve it? That's all, have a good one mate....and err...withold my email please :D |
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Mr Duck wrote:
Subject: Southwest airlines crash
This Flight from Vegas overshot the runway at Burbank. The plane smashed past the airport fence, careened across the street and ended up with a collapsed landing gear, right next to a gas station. But that's not the amazing part. Look at the picture below! |
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Ty wrote:
Subject: Mikki
Hi Guys an Gals, These are from my last trip to Mexico. My mate hooked up with this Swedish chick who loves to drink. I came back to the hotel to find her passed out drunk on the floor with her smooth little pussy smiling at me as I came in to the room, so after a few little touches here and there to see if she would wake this was the end result and she still didn't even wake or even move at all. I have some more pics from a trip up the coastline that she joined us on where she was poppin her pussy and doing a few poses on the jeep when my mate had passed out. I will send next week. |
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David wrote:
Subject: roll over
Hi Orsm, Got sent these pics today of a roll over. all caused by the dickhead driving the flattened car. lesson don't pull out infront of a truck. |
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Matey wrote:
Subject: No matter who you are....
No matter who you are.... your wife will give you hell for looking at other women...
If you're Becks you can probably have both. -Orsm |
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D C wrote:
Subject: pics for reader mail
G'day mr orsm, heres some pics of a chick i picked up off the net from central vic. She sent me these pics, she's a psycho and a dud root, but she had a hot bod. please keep my details private. thanks and keep up the top work on a great site. |
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Ang wrote:
Subject: Sandown Beer Truck
The XXX Gold Retreat.
Just what every party needs. -Orsm |
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Al G wrote:
Subject: Old Concept cars
Hellooooo ORSM, I always like to look back at what people thought was a good looking vehicle for the future and how (thank Gawd) they never came to be. Enjoy........... |
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wirthbrauhaus wrote:
Subject: Inspirational posters
Here are some inspirational posters i made up myself (haven't ever been published before). The pics themselves were all from free galleries on the net... |
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: ex gf pics
this bitch really deserves the humiliation because she uses and takes advantage of guys and thinks she should not have to answer for anything that she does. i have seen that you already have one picture of her when she was younger on your self pics. i can point the picture out to you if you would like. i have known her since i was in school. in fact she was my first gf. please if you have any sympathy for men who are tired of skank bitches please do this. i have looked at your site for a long time now and i recommend it to everyone that i know. with these pics posted i will make sure and do so more than i already do. thanks. no i dont care to receive credit for submitting the pics. reason being is because while we were together she was sending me these pics but also sending them to the guys she was fucking behind my back. i will be eternally grateful if the make their way onto your site. thanks. |
Austin wrote:
Subject: INGHAM CAR SHOW
Who needs a Bugatti Veyron W16 motor... just slap two V8's next to each other :-)
Great for picking the kids up from school. -Orsm
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: piss funny
hey orsm i got this off a co-worker that wanted me to put this on the net to further embarass his mate that is in the film. please hide my info cheers mate. |
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: wife
Here's a video of some recent bedroom fun with the wife. After fucking her for 20 minutes and making her cum 3 times on my cock, she got down there and sucked it clean before taking my load to the back of her throat. Please do not display my details. Great site... keep up the good work. |
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Doak wrote:
Subject: Rough Seas on the USS Kitty Hawk! (talk about a wild ride)
This carrier is 90,000 ton. Imagine what this is like on a 2,200 ton destroyer? The aircraft seen in the attached video is a helo from a deployed helicopter squadron (HS-14) based at the U.S. Naval Air Facility in Atsugi, Japan. The carrier is the USS Kitty Hawk, based in Yokosuka, Japan. The 'Hawk' was underway for CQ (Airwing Carrier Qualifications) in the Sea of Japan during the week of March 22, 2008. The chopper seen on the ship's bow, tied down at helo Spot 2, is a Sikorsky SH-60F from HS-14. The pilot had just landed on deck, and his helo was tied down on Spot 2 because the seas were too rough to move it to a safer place. Fortunately, it only suffered some minor damage (blade crutch support socket) and a lot of salt water intrusion from the sea. While viewing the video, please remember that the carrier's flight deck is approximately 60' above the ship's normal water line. |
RULES FOR DATING DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL
RULE ONE: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up.
RULE TWO: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
RULE THREE: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
RULE FOUR: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
RULE FIVE: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
RULE SIX: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
RULE SEVEN: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
RULE EIGHT: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.
RULE NINE: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
RULE TEN: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
ORSM
VIDEO
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Aussie were waiting one Morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!" The Chinese Businessman called out "Move it, time is money" The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hello, George!" said the Catholic Priest, "What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls". The Aussie said, "So what's wrong with them playing at fucking night then?"
| DANI WOODWARD |
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A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."
RANDOM SHITE
Killer RS this week. No seriously - it is. I asked with the old guy who walks past every day on his way to get a cask of wine. He checked with the guy at the bottle shop who goes out with the girl whose parents own the local Baskin Robins and their employees neighbour has apparently checked out Orsm a few times and thinks its rad. Check it.
RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS
RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS |
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THE THREE BEARS
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the cats their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear arses downstairs and grace 'Mummy Bear' with your grumpy presence, listen CAREFULLY, because I'm going to say this once: I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!"
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Angus blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me those first two pennies?"
| LITTLE MISS BADUNKADUNK |
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These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, "You know man, it's been a long time since we had some sex... so you oughta let me screw you." Joe replied, "Are you crazy?!!"
Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt. We'll flip a coin and see who nails whom first."
Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won.
Still having strong reservations, Joe asked, "How will you tell if it hurts or not?" Larry told Joe, "If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing."
Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, "Moooooooo... Moooooo... Mooooon River..."
ORSM
VIDEO
Okay. Thanks. Bye. Catch you soon. See you. Ciao. Bye.
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Until next time be good, stay off the chems and have a Happy Fourth of July. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
