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Ah yes... my favourite time of the year - Spring! People are starting to walk around with that stupid look on their faces touting "I can't wait for summer... it's almost here!" and whilst this long, not quite over winter is still lingering you definitely get the feeling that the sun aint too far away. Bring it the fuck on I say!

Pretty soon people will begin to come out of hibernation, it'll be possible to stand outside and not freeze your balls off and the streets will be full of hot chicks just dying to show us what's been covered up all winter.

I must admit I've had an incredibly boring week. I've done very little except catch up with friends, watch some DVD's and work. The only thing worth mentioning is my impending school reunion. Late last week I got a couple of emails from people that I haven't spoken to since leaving school. Turns out that a ten year high school reunion is being organised. Ten years! It seems like forever and in my case its actually longer - I bailed out of there at the end of year eleven because with my grades there was no way in hell I was going to graduate.

Anyway, my first thought was fuck that, I'm not interested in some crappy reunion. The whole idea of spending an evening with people I don't have anything to do with or care much about just didn't sound all that appealing.

After a few emails back and forward I received a spreadsheet which listed every single person that was in my year. Pretty soon 'fuck that' turned into 'how can I possibly miss this?'. It's amazing how many people I'd forgotten over the years and if even a couple of them are there then I would kick myself for missing it.

So at this point I have no idea what to expect. A couple of weeks back they had that horrible Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion movie on TV and due to the fact there was nothing else on, I watched it. It got me wondering how much bullshit goes into these things... wondering what has become of the cocky little trouble makers, the hot chicks, the too cool crew, the geeks, the try-hard's and all the rest of them.

I know there was a few that have landed in jail, a couple of professional sportsman, some drug addicts, one or two on TV, several no longer with us and even a couple of strippers but it's the ones I haven't heard about for the last ten years that I find most intriguing. Maybe one of them invented post-it notes...

Earlier this week one of my best mates was handed a once in a life time opportunity... he was going to be picked up from the airport by some sort of aeroplane and flown out to the USS John C Stennis aircraft carrier which was en route for Perth. As you would expect he leapt at the chance. So off he went, did the briefing and they took off and headed west for the carrier and a proper arrested landing. They spent the whole day being toured around the ship and standing on the flight deck watching take off's and landings all of which apparently paled in insignificance compared to the catapult take off on the way home. Trev you SUCK! Some cool pics here for anyone interested.

One last thing before I get on with the rest of the update... last weeks AFL Brownlow Medal awards have been the hot topic lately. Not because of who won so much as his date for the evening. West Coast Eagle and winner Chris Judd attended the night with one of the hottest chicks around - Rebecca Twigley. More of her and others here [requires PowerPoint].

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

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I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean..

Rules For Bedroom Golf - Best Pick Up Lines - Edinburgh Fringe - Human Descent - Taser Fun - Happy Pill

What The Fuck? - Senoritas - Online Overdose - Posting And You - NesBuckle - CollegeSlackers Contest Time!

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"

Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina - Tereza & Pavlina

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her.

She's really pleased to have met this guy. At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance. The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion! After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team.

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A bloke's wife went missing while holidaying on the Australian coast. He spent a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there was a knock at the door and he was confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge said: "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news." "Well," says the bloke, "You'd better let me have it both barrels, what's the bad news?"

The Sarge said, "I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." The bloke was naturally pretty distressed to hear this and had a bit of a turn.

After a few minutes he pulled himself together and asked what the good news was. The Sarge said, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized Crays and a swag of edible Crabs in and around her swimsuit, so we've brought you your share."

With tha he handed the bloke a bag with a couple of nice Crays and four or five crabs in it. "Gee thanks," said the man. "They're bloody beaut... I guess it's an ill wind and all that. Now, what's the really good news?"

"Well", the Sarge said, "Me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again! You fancy comin' with us?"

ORSM VIDEO The comes the time in every boy's life where he finally begins to become a man. Along that path are plenty of up's and down's, challenges and even realisations... such as 'two hot naked chicks carressing eachother = good shit'. Watch as this moment is caught on tape... - Girl On Girl Is Good [Look At The Kid] -

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Four guys who worked together always played golf as a group at 7:00a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to make up the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to play golf. Can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it. She said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The following Sunday she showed up right on 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

Again, she showed up at 6:30, only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to play right-handed or left-handed?"

She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his penis is pointing to the right, I play right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, I play left-handed." One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?" She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals - Animals

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READER MAIL
A relatively quiet week compared to the usual standards as far as mail was concerned. Good because sorting through several hundred emails takes a while but bad because I like hearing from you guy's. If you've got something to say or share or whatever then feel free to drop me a line here.

kurt taylor wrote: Subject: brit thought you might like to see this picture of britney. from a new video fo hers called something which i cant remember. The Pamela Anderson look without big hooters and sex appeal... -Orsm

Francine wrote: Subject: the ocean I have no idea how this works, but if you stare long enough you should be able to see the ocean. R I G H T . . . -Orsm

travis wrote: Subject: poof Not David......DAVINA TONIGHT DARLING. This is my freinds room mate who like to dress up sober and he likes to play with carrots and stick them in naughty places.

Doug wrote: Subject: Look at picture first then read - Wacky Japanese! Look at the pic first then what it means second, only in Japan! These are signs in japanese metro trains, "Priority seats for................" from left to right: 1. person with injured arm; 2. person holding a child; 3. pregnant woman; 4. person with injured leg

Majd wrote: Subject: bikini night dear orsm: here is some pics of a bikini night in a local club in Iowa , where farm girl were get'n naked, the girlz were hot fresh & roasted Seen worse... -Orsm

Lai wrote: Subject: water balloon in space Scenario: Experimenters burst water balloons in the low-gravity environment produced aboard a NASA Glenn DC-9 aircraft. The tests were conducted in part to develop the ability to rapidly deploy large liquid drops by rupturing an enclosing membrane. As can be seen from the experiment footage, the initial rupture process is nearly ideal, but the finite size of the balloon material eventually ejects a spray from the drop surface. Then, when the balloon material leaves the drop entirely, it causes a large deformation of the drop (blob) which oscillates throughout the remainder of the test. Calculations suggest that such oscillations will continue for hours before the drop eventually becomes spherical. Highspeed photographs of punctured Water Balloons in a Lab were also taken. The airplane flies parabolic trajectories approximately 8000ft in height which provide up to 25 seconds of low-gravity time within which researchers can perform experiments to investigate low-gravity phenomena.

Chesterfield wrote: Subject: DAM Its Hot. We have a dam. we have a ramp. Its Coota Fuck that looks like fun... -Orsm

David B wrote: Subject: Drone shootdown video Found a video of a MiG-23 model drone being shot down. (possibly by a Stinger) Ah boys and their toys... -Orsm

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 25."

G.I.L.F. [GRANNY I'D LIKE TO FUCK] Okay I'm joking on that... these babes are a couple of years older than my decency cut off point. Alternatively I'm sure there's a few of you out there who will manage to rub one out whilst viewing these pics... Sexy Seniors - Sexy Seniors - Sexy Seniors - Sexy Seniors - Sexy Seniors - Sexy Seniors

Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly coloured frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marvelled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."

Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent - Ava Vincent

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the house. The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her. The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita - Vivian & Judita

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her. The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with him.

The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage. They were happy that they were honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.

On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor. When she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?" The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long."

ORSM VIDEO

Iraq News Report

Late For Work

Distiller

Deeeep Throat

A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa and took her faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund started chasing butterflies and, before long, discovered that he was lost.

As he was wandering about, he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thought, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones, on the ground, close by and immediately settled down to chew on them, with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dachshund exclaimed loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing that, the leopard halted his attack in mid-stride and slunk away into the trees as the terror of his possible fate came over him. "Whew," said the leopard, "that was close. That dachshund nearly had me for dessert."

Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene, from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he went, but the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard and figured that something was up.

The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself. The leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now, the dachshund saw the leopard coming, with the monkey on his back, and thought, "What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to the attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them coming... and just when they got close enough to hear, the dachshund said... "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

REMEMBER: if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull shit!

RANDOM SHITE Hopefully I've got it right this week... let your mouse do the clicking and you be the judge... RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him.

The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.

Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan - Swan

Alright boys and girls that's all I'm good for this week... my Birthday week! If you feel like showing me your love and graciously thanking me for all the work I put into providing this website for free then don't let me stop you visiting my wishlist!

Anyway until next time be good, stay off the chem's and remember to do god's work. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm

Dudes, ladies and all you other little bitches, welcome to Orsmnet. If it's you're first time to this website then congratulations as you've finally reached the pinnacle of adult entertainment on the internet today... how about that huh!? [Tell your friends!]

Bored, excited, uneventful, eventful, depressed, happy, frustrated, angry, annoyed... all words that can be used to describe myself and the goings-on of the last week.

Saturday night we hit the town to celebrate mine and a mate's birthday. There was about 15-20 of us and we did some drinking. It wasn't actually too bad a night until later on when it turned into sausage central. A rather large group of men on a bucks night invaded the bar and it wasn't too long before all you could see where guy's. Kind of makes it hard to check out the talent especially if you aren't gay. Stuff that - time for home.

Wake up the next day and am subsequently informed by a family member that "today is the day to sort out my computer". Seems this particular laptop had some sort of hardware failure and needs to go in for repairs... the catch here is that the hardware fuck up was causing it to freeze up and stop working every few minutes and that all the data had to be removed and put onto a temporary machine in the interim.

So I jump in my car and head over to pick the lappy up. I park in the drive way, I get out of my car and pretty quickly realise that I've left it in gear as my baby begins rolling [door open] back down the drive way with the added possibility of killing me thrown in for good measure. I dive back in the car and jam the shifter into 'park'... CLACK CLACK CLACK! goes the gearbox and the car begrudgingly comes to a sudden stop.

I get out to survey the damage. As it turned out, it wasn't death defying dive I took into the cabin of stopped its backward motion after all, rather the open door which was now wedged firmly against the brick wall. It was around this point I delved deep, deep, deeeeep into my swear-word vocabulary. Words such as fuck, cunt, fuck-whore and fucking-cunt-whore-fuck were used with gusto. Yes, I was annoyed.

After a couple of minutes and a deep breath I calmed down and managed to dispel some of the annoyance with the liberal use of a rubber mallet against my now deformed door. Thankfully I was able to bend the frame more or less back into shape so it once again closed but she'll still need to visit a panel beater for a touch-up.

I'm starting to have a run of bad luck with this car. In the last month or two I've had to deal with a radiator that was allegedly leaking which led to an overheat, a sticky accelerator that announced itself in the wet with the traction control off, scratching the shit out of my rear bumper, a rattling exhaust due to the scraping caused by a low ride height, blowing my subwoofers and now smashing the door. I'm starting to think it's time for a new car...

The next couple of days were filled mostly with anger and frustration as I tried to deal with the aforementioned laptop. Why cant things just work properly? Listen and I will tell you: it's because people don't give a fuck about doing things the right way anymore! Next time an old timer says "things were different in my day" I'll think that this is what they mean.

Tuesday, as many of you may know, was my birthday. Probably best described as a 'non-event'. I'm usually happy with a lack of fanfare except I was bored out of my brain the entire fucking day - no one around to harass or annoy. I actually spent the day working and that's something I haven't done since I left school and joined the workforce.

As for presents, well I didn't exactly clean up. I scored a couple of bottles of after shave and a couple of DVD's that I've been meaning to add to my collection. I fully admit that I am near impossible to buy for... if I need something then I go and buy it so really the only things I need [read: want] are too expensive for someone else to buy me. I kind of get the feeling that if I asked for a $2000 digital camera, a $5000 computer or a $50000 new car I would be laughed at...

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

It's not often I allow my over inflated ego to take a beating, come down from my high horse and admit that sometimes, just sometimes I find a site that is very possibly better than mine. Today is one of those days. I give you Beer and Shots. Free porn, jokes and rants worth reading is what it's all about so do yourself a favour and go check out Beer and Shots!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean..

Democrats On Iraq - A Day Off - Outsourced Tech Support - How to Date a White Woman - Angry Alien

Getting Good Video - Who You Gonna Call? - Funny Flash - A Vagina For Christmas - Trunk Monkey

Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn, so he goes to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor prescribes chamomile lotion and Viagra. Looking a little confused Chris says, "I can understand you prescribing the chamomile lotion, but why the Viagra?" The doctor says, "The Viagra is to keep the sheets off you at night."
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There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
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A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it 10 feet; goes over and hacks it another 10 feet, then hacks it another 10 feet. She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replied, "Well, you know, that's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead." To this day, his grave marker stands next to that tee box as a warning to other potential wise asses...

Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta - Tereza & Anetta

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."

So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!"

So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch porn and eat Cheetos!"

ORSM VIDEO Idol rejects are at best laughable. It mystifies me still how people can so willingly go on camera to make complete fools of themselves and suffer the mockery of viewers in their home country and in some cases the rest of the world. Australian Idol hopefuls don't disappoint in that regard either so here are a couple of the best of the worst... Australian Idol: The Best Rejects

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

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READER MAIL
Another fat mail bag this week. You guys, as always, had plenty to say about all sorts of things. Kudos to all of you. I only realised today that I munted last weeks Email Over flow link and it was pointing to a completely different page. Therefore you can find last weeks Overflow here and this weeks Overflow on this page. If you've got something to say, something to share or just feel like abusing me then you can contact me here.

Tomas Guerin wrote: Subject: Meghann You absolutely must encourage Meghann to send in more photo’s of her antics. She is as-cute-as-a-bugs-ear and an Aussie lass to boot. I think Meghann should get naked for the site... how bout it? -Orsm

FINGER wrote: Subject: Pic for the site I'm staying in a hostel in Poland right now and this chick from AMERICA (of course), picked up this dude from Australia in Berlin like a week before hand, and his been boning him across europe since, anyway she was clearing out her pics and left this pussy shot on the computer in the recycle bin without deleting it, (hold laughter).

George wrote: Subject: nice photo Hello from Scotland, thought u might like this photo. Cheers. That's one hell of a hungry bum. -Orsm

student wrote: Subject: shenanigans These two are totally eligable for random shite. Love to see them there, or somewhere else. No details please.

WanTeD wrote: Subject: Is it that hard for women to park their cars correctly inside the marked spot?? Stupid bitch.. Surely no one can be that bad...? -Orsm

Luke Dunn wrote: Subject: my stack Hey man some friends of mine showed me your site and i reckon it rocks. So i was wondering if you could put my vid of me stacking it on your site. Cheers How were the nuts after that? -Orsm

DtM wrote: Subject: Please stop. The attached is footage of a new style barrier being tested (the truck is remote controled)... Truck = 65,000 lbs. Speed = 50 mph Kinetic Energy = 5.5 MILLION ft. lbs. Stopped in 24 INCHES!

David Parker wrote: Subject: Bell 407 doing a loop and snap roll Thought you may like this, its a clip from an airshow in South Africa, supposedly not possible and certainly against the manufacturers rules. Bell Canada grounded the aircraft to check stress on the airframe but apart from scrambled gyros found nothing wrong. Personally I wouldnt want to be in it! And I can fly them.....

Dude wrote: Subject: Must visit Norway before I die Hi. Heres the video to go along with the pics you posted a month or 2 back from the rock festival thing where the couple fucked on stage on front of the audience. Feel the passion... -Orsm

WORTH A SURF
If by this stage of the update you're getting bored and need to stretch your legs then how about checking out these guy's for something different...

Orsm Games - Hot Chix - Little Midgets - Mental Shed - Speeds Cartoons - Porn Slanger - No Face

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In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. "Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

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There were 3 sisters - Maud, Doris and Fanny who went clubbing every weekend in search of a man. They'd been going to the same club for 6 years, and hadn't had any luck at all! Maud and Doris were having a chat one night, and decided that their lack of pulling power was down to their sister Fanny, who had absolutely enormous feet.

So one night they went off down the local club without Fanny. Surely enough after a few minutes Maud and Doris had pulled the most gorgeous blokes in the club! They invited the lucky lads back to their house for coffee. On the way back one lad said to Maud, "You don't mind me saying, but you two sisters have awfully large feet!" "Large feet!?" said Doris, "If you think we've got large feet, wait 'til you see our Fanny's!"

ORSM VIDEO

Andrew Dice Clay

Girls Going Wild

Tubby Fall

Dude, You're So Gay!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question? "What do women really want?" Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewerage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered.... is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day or beautiful by night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story? The moral is... If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly!