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Well who would have thought - 2 updates
in less than two weeks. Amazing huh? I fooled myself into
believing that this week would give me the chance to do absolutely
fuck all [ie. sit on the couch and watch
DVD's] but it turns out I was wrong... no rest for the
wicked apparently. The need for laziness was brought on by
the successfull completion of my second last Cisco exam. Yes
- I did actually manage to pass the first two and now all
that lies between me and that magical piece of paper stating
that I am indeed a CCNA, is one final exam... this is the
bad boy - the big one. Will probably do that in a few weeks.
I first need to reacquaint myself with the entire four semesters
curriculum which should be a whole lot of fun.
Besides all that, I wish I had something
half-way exciting to write about this week but there's nothing
really worth noting. Got something interesting to share? Email
me. Nothing beats email from random strangers about nothing
or anything or whatever... actually there are probably a few
things but what the hell eh!?
|
A few weeks ago I posted an email that I was
sent in regards to Saving Internet Radio. Seems a few people didn't
appreciate it. Read what happened here.
Difference
Between Software Developers & Drug Dealers - Famous
Soccer Quotes
More
Nickon Larock Translations - You
Know It's Cold When - How
To BE A Coke Machine
A few interesting points raised in this
email...
Patrick
wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
Hey Mr. ORSM,
Look, I dont know who the fuck is calling you names because you
wont update your site as often as they want you to. But they need
to SHUT THE FUCK UP! THOSE PIECE OF SHIT CUNT LICKERS CAN CHOP OFF
THEIR DICKS AND SHOVE THEM UP THEIR FUCKIN ASS!! Your site is great.
Keep it up, and no need to hurry those updates. They are fine the
way they are. And next time some one bitches at you about the update,
tell them that I will CUT OFF THEIR NUTS AND MAKE THEM EAT EACH
ONE WITH THEIR OWN FUCKIN FORK AND KNIFE, THAT IS, IF THEY HAVE
NUTS. FUCKIN BITCHES.
THE TOP 20 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE
THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED
20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked
position.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
And The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped.
1. I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts
A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty
blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable
to stop staring at the top of her thighs to his delight he sees
she is wearing no underwear…
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and
promises to avert his eyes. It's quite alright," replies the
woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a
kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man,
who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy
can do.
"I can also make it wink," says
the woman.
The man stares in amazement as the pussy
winks at him.
Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman,
patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you
like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, the man replies in disbelief,
"Good grief! Can it whistle too?"
--------------------------------------------
| |
I'm pretty close to having the necessary
funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still
required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about,
Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do
a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...
I'm in the process of trying to get it
all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll
be seeing more Holly on the site.
... now click the
damn links below and go check out these great sites!
- Fling Babes - |
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit
her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it
and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release
me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your
wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times
more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay,"
and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman
in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world,
an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because
I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for
me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be The
richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times
richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay
because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the
world!
The frog then inquired about her third
wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches.
Don't mess with them.
A gay man finally decided he could no longer
hide his sexuality from his parents, so he went over to their house
and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down
at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I
have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response,
and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him,
when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly,
"You're gay, doesn't that mean that men put their penises into
your anus?" "Yes mom they do." "And you put
other men's penises in your mouth?" He says nervously, "Uh,
yeah, Mom, I do."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then
suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying
pan and said, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my
cooking ever again!"
--------------------------------------------
On acount of it being so fuckin
cold at the moment I thought that these may help to warm a few people
up. I'll post the rest in coming weeks...
Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals
Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals
A young Internet entrepreneur named Brett leased
an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started
a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open,
and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Brett broke
out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand
on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone
coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed
the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best
feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, Brett finally squeaked,
"It's got to be your ears!" Astounded and a little hurt
she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and
100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look
at my skin--no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best
part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, Brett stammered,
"Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... That was
me."
Two Nuns are riding their
bicycles down the back streets of Rome.
One leans over to the other
and says, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun whispers,
"It's the cobblestones."
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's
200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who
was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting
to know if the coast is clear."
--------------------------------------------
Alan Malcolm
wrote:
Subject: Hey there!!!!!!!!
Hey there man hows it goin?
well anyway let me tell ya a little
story, you see me an my girlfreind are in a long distance relationship
an both of us love this website ( respect 2u ) an anyway i went
down to see her last weekend an she sed she had a little surprise
in store for me, so i i thought 2myself wat it cud b. I WAS TOTALLY
wrong, she took my hand an took me 2 her room where she asked me
2 get undresssed an lay on the bed while she went 2 get the surprise!
she came back with a small bottle hidden down her top so i enquired
wat it was. she sed 2 close my eyes an lay back an relax while she
gets undressed an readys the surprise.
So i am layed there eyes closed waiting
for this surprise and den i feel a cold substance bein squirted
all ova me. next she told me 2 keep my eyes closed an den she started
licking everylittle ounce of it off. it felt soooooooo gr8 but den
she split out where she got the idea from.................www.orsm.net
yeah! she got it from here! dats y i jus wanna say thanks and many
handshakes for puttin this kindda stuff on ur website cos its made
our sex life even more exciting now.
all the best
alan & sarah xxxxxxxxx
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person
looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me
see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly
and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out
the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes
the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No,
honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're
next!"
Whoever said that nothing in life is
free was full of shit. Have you checked the site
archives lately? They're brimming with thousands of images
and vid's. Stuff like this... Nikki Nova butt-naked all for
your viewing pleasure...
- Nikki
Nova - |
 |
<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Revenge
Her Name is Gemma,
She lives and works in Barkingside, Essex, UK. I was with her for
just over 18 months, then she broke it off, saying that she wasn't
fucking around. She is a cheating and lying bitch, a month later
she gets engaged, now then, you tell me would you believe her. Included
is a picture of the tattoo on her belly, just in case you can't
remember her face. Just like to say to her "FUCK YOU, you lying,
dirty slag, hope you rot in hell. If you see her in the street say
hi, and tell her how much you like the photo's. Don't know how strong
you go.
Please don't post my email.
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know
all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of
Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
An Australian was holidaying in New Zealand and
was walking through a farm and came across a New Zealander having
sex with a sheep, the Australian said to the New Zealander "In
Australia we shear them", the New Zealander turns around and
says "I’m not sheerin this with nobody!!"
As the woman passed her daughter’s
closed bedroom door, she heard a strange, buzzing noise coming from
within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving
herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What
in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom,
I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about
as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone."
The next day, the girl’s father heard
the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.
Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter
making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what
she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I’m thirty-five
years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll
ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from
shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and
heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family
room. She entered that area and saw her husband sitting on the couch,
staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I’m
watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
ANTHROPOLOGICAL STAGES OF MAN
When the Creator was making the world, He called
man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man
was horrified! "Only 20 years!" he complained. But the
Creator didn’t budge. That was all He would grant him.
Then He called the monkey and gave him 20 years.
"But I don’t need 20 years," said the monkey,
"10 is plenty." Man spoke up and said, "Can’t
I have the other 10 years?" The monkey agreed.
Then the Creator called the lion and gave him
20 years. The lion said he desired only 10 years. Again, man asked,
"Can’t I have the other 10 years?" "Of course,"
roared the lion.
Then came the donkey. He, too, was given 20 years
and like the others said 10 years was all he needed. Man asked again
for the spare 10 years and again received them.
This explains why man has 20 years of normal
sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it,
and 10 years of making an ass of himself.
I don't want to give too much away
but let these next pics be a hint for the next Orsm update... can
anyone say 'all celebrity special?'
A first grade teacher explains to
her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands
if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to
be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy
fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named
Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her
why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American."
"Then",
asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her
face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well,
my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no
reason," she says loudly. "What if your mum was a moron,
and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause… a smile. "Then,"
says Kristen, "I’d be an American."
A guy decides to have a party where his guests
are asked to come dressed as different emotions eg. anger, fear
etc. On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens
the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N
and V painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit,
what emotion have you come as?" And the guy says, "I'm
green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on
in and have a drink."
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and
the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking
with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says
to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come
as?"
And she replies, "I'm tickled pink".
The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for
the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Jamaican
blokes, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard,
and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really
shocked and says, "What the hell are you doing? You could get
arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion
is this supposed to be?"
The first guy replies in his Jamaican
accent, "Well, I'm fucking discustard, and my friend here has
come in dispair."
Probably shouldn't have crashed and burned
it in my opinion... whoops...
TELSTRA DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE
This one will only apply to the Aussie's amongst
y'all. I tried it and the number does get you through to directory
assistance BUT I have no idea if it does actually get you the call
for free or not.
Did you know that there is a number
for directory assistance that is FREE. It is
1223 (as opposed to 12455 where this is charged at 25 cents) and
is exactly the same service. Apparently Telstra under Government
law is supposed to provide a free operator service - hence the number
1223, but they don't advertise the service etc. They are trying
to make as much money as possible with the number 12455.
--------------------------------------------
It has been studied and
determined that the most often used sexual position for married
couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits
up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
As this update slowly winds to a close I present
you with 8 of the finest
vids the web has to offer. There's some exceptional vids this
week. Noted standouts include the Jelena Dokic vid and the Urinal
vid. Nipples and penises basically. As usual if you are having problems
viewing them then all you gotta do is check the site
help as I don't reply to email requests for help! [Would you
believe I've got better things to do!?]
Anyway's that's it from me for this week. Make
sure you tune in next week coz it's going to be the biggest and
best update to ever grace these pages! Have a good weekend, be good,
stay off the chems and dont
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr Orsm. |
