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Welcome to Orsmnet. Please remain
standing for the update.
Been a pretty cruisy week around
these parts with nothing too exciting going on and as you may or
may not know - that's the way I like it. I've found myself on some
sort of kick to catch up on movies my brother, sister and I used
to love as kids. More recently I've managed to get through Flight
of the Navigator, BMX Bandits and [I know I'll regret admitting
this] Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
There's a million I still want
to see but on the hit list for coming months are Police Academy,
Ghost Busters and Cocktail. I've never really figured out why but
I have an addiction to all things 80's. Most of the time I'm somewhere
between "oh my god this is so cool" and "I can't believe I used
to get off on this crap" but the reminisce factor is high regardless.
Whilst I probably wouldn't describe
last weekend as my perfect weekend, it wasn't all bad. Most of Saturday
was spent outside battling the overgrown garden and weeds. I swear
to god they never end - I start at the back and work my way to the
front over several weekends. Once it's all done the back has again
been overrun. I'd go as far as to say there is some mass conspiracy
to flood my house with weed seeds and growing agents just to see
how long it takes for me to finally snap and plunge my little weeding
tool thingy into someone's chest. Apparently mulching garden beds
is the secret and will stop the bastards from growing so with that
chestnut of knowledge in hand you can probably guess what I have
planned for the coming weekend.
Sunday was actually nice and
lazy. Up at the crack of dawn then straight back to sleep once I
realised what time it was. Finally managed to drag myself out a
couple of hours later, bundled the dog in the car and headed to
the beach which was absolute chaos - dogs just about outnumbered
people. You throw the ball and literally three or four other dogs
go for it. Now all I need is some stinking hot Sundays to make the
most of it.
The rest of the day, much of
Monday afternoon and also Tuesday night I spent hanging out with
my sister and her boyfriend which [I can't remember if I have mentioned
this] returned back home from four years in London about a month
back. I tell ya four years is far too long to be away from loved
ones and it's good to have a sister again.
This weekend... as much as I
would just love to wake up one day to the realisation that I have
absolutely nothing to do, nothing planned and no one waiting for
me to come around to do something, it definitely isn't going to
happen any time soon.
The dominating carport project
that has consumed me for the last few months [and that I have mentioned
about ten thousand times now] is set to resume again. The retaining
wall part that I was building came to a sudden stop just after Christmas
and incidentally coincided with me running out of bricks. Thankfully,
and should I say finally, the extra ones I needed were delivered
this morning so work will recommence with gusto first thing Saturday
morning. I've reached that point where I just want the damn thing
done. I tend to lose interest in anything that drags forever on
and at this stage that point is well and truly in sight.
Saturday nite is dinner at some
fancy little restaurant for a mates 30th and Sunday already flagged
for an early Dim Sum lunch with friends. After that? You guessed
it... more fucking gardening and digging and sweeping and blower-vac'ing
and hedging and weeding and chopping and mulching and fertilising
and... you get the idea.
Next week... I've gotta to be
honest when I say I'm split 50/50 on doing an update next Thursday.
As most Aussies will know the 26th is Australia day which usually
entails a BBQ, consumption of alcohol and a scramble to find a good
place to see the fireworks skyshow in the city. Anyway my point
is I may take the opportunity for a few days off so if theres no
update - that's why! On with it...
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
The
Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resource.com
has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured
on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search
engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if
they use her free
adult comsumer resource.
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Cheaters!
- Scores
Girls - More Hoff
- RateMyPix!
- Porn
TopList - VAP
Share - Messy
BreakUp - Simona
Wow
Sh-Sh-Shake
It! - Baby
Stewy - Aussie
Quiz - Owned
- Cam
Gurl - White
Rapper - Rolls
Phantom
An eight year old boy comes home from school
and says "Daddy! Daddy! What is the difference between a pussy
and a cunt?". The dad says, "No, I can't tell you that!
You're too young!" The son goes, "NO I'm not daddy! Please
tell me." So the father says alright and takes the boy into
the bedroom. When they walk into the room, the boys mother is fast
asleep. So the dad pulls back the covers, and like always, the mother
is lying there without any panties on. The father points in between
her legs and says, "You see that? That's a pussy!" The
son asks, "Oooo! Can I pet it?" The father replies, "NO!
You'll wake up the cunt!"
One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor
of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping
the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind
caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her
death. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid
way to die."
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony
stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from
shock, the woman shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life,
thank you!" The man replied, "Do you suck?" Stunned
at this, the woman said, "No, I don't suck!" And with
that, the man let go of her. "Shit!" the woman thought
as she began to plummet again.
Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at
the 9th floor. "Thank God!" she screamed. "I would
have died if it weren't for you!" The man asked, "Do you
fuck?" Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, "No, I don't
fuck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were
no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would
surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th
floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, "I suck!
I fuck!" "Slut!" the man said, and dropped her.
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to
town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside them.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a
shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and
boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked,
"What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then
decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people
who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey
to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them
by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and
drowned.
The moral of the story? If you try to please
everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.
ORSM
VIDEO
I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
A woman went into a store to buy her husband
a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all
the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy
a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have
a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"
"Blowjobs!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven
but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought
it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true... no more blowjobs
for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband,
he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off. The woman went to
bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than
riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened
by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious
banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen,
only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What
are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied,
"If I can teach this frog to cook, you're gone!'
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READER MAIL
It has been an absolute pleasure
doing Reader Mail this week. There has been some kick ass submissions
that you guys are going to love. If you'd like to submit something
for the site then we're happy to receive anything and everything...
all you have to do is click here to make
the magic happen.
<with held>
wrote:
Subject: why??
why do people always say 'don't include
my details' when they send stuff in for your site... you
never post anyone's details anyway! (ps. don't post my details)
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Derek
wrote:
Subject: That rockin christmas song
The heavy metal type Christmas
song is called "Wizards in Winter" by the
Trans-Siberian Orchestra.I wanted to save ya some searchin
an shit...
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AREA666
wrote:
Subject: Re: Shocks by Keef
The [Atomic
Shocks] song is called Real Solution #9 (Mambo Mania
Mix) by the band White Zombie. The non mix version just
called Real Solution #9 is slightly heavier, but the mix
version was the one used in the atomicshock video.
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Mike
wrote:
Subject: Police shoot out video
Your link to photos called Texas Highway
Patrol is all wrong. That was the Schertz TX Police Department
traffic stop. The "Texas Highway Patrol" is actually
the "Texas Department of Public Safety" or DPS.
And the video is from Richardson Police Department near
Dallas TX. Schertz (the car pix with all the bullet holes)
is near San Antonio TX.
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Anthony
wrote:
Subject: Picture of pigeon in Random Shite section
Hi ORSM, Thanks for the hard work you
put in to compile your website. I really enjoy it. One thing
that tickled my funny bone recently was when I came across
the picture
of the pigeon in the Random Shite section. Not because
it looked funny, but because there are birds over here in
New Zealand that naturally look like that! They're called
Wood Pigeons (or Kereru in Maori) and are the size of chickens.
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Big John
wrote:
Subject: site
Tell your poster Guy Campbell with the
7
foot snow cock that in spite of what he says, snow isn't
that rare in Britain, maybe where he lives, probably England
, yes but in Scotland (still part of the UK) we have outdoor
Ski Centres in winter time (now) for fucks sake. No Snow
My Arse
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Egotastic.com
wrote:
Subject: Mariah Carey Bikini Pictures
Hi there, So even though Mariah Carey
has been getting a bit bigger lately, she still looks pretty
good in this little
green bikini, don't you think?
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Steven
wrote:
Subject: Having fun with photoshop
It was 2 AM and I had nothing
better to do, so I justed looked through your site for uhhh...
Lets just call it inspiration. After several minutes of
searching your website I had come to the conclusion that
I really really wanted to photoshop a penis... For some
reason... I have no doubt in my mind that this photo will
not impress anyone, still it would be an honor to have my
little project posted on the front page of your website
in the reader mail section. I have the utmost respect for
you and your website, you take time out of your life to
give other people the happiness that pornography gives.
Infact I have so much respect for the effort you put in
to you website that if you were to come to my house and
stab me in the chest I would say "Its cool man, I respect
you!" Please don't stab me in the chest...
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Rene Lopez
wrote:
Subject: New Lingere Repaired photo.
Please withhold my adress, the girl is
beutiful, but I king of improved her a little. Ask her to
send other photos. Like to see her tatoo
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Trev
wrote:
Subject: retouch
Thought you'd like my retouch from last
weeks reader's mail! cheers Orsm!
Last week's copy can be found
here.
-Orsm
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Duncan
wrote:
Subject: Bali
Hi, I just spent the Xmas holidays in
Bali. The place was deserted which was a shame 'cos the
people and food are great. They want the tourists back and
are doing all they can to get rid of the bad images of their
paradise island - see attached.
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Junior
wrote:
Subject: Fraudulent posters
You have a link on the readers section
from a dude claming to have presented pics of his misses
pleasuring him. Hope you don't mind me askin (I know the
entire history of the movie in question), where does Scott
come from? Depending on the answer, I will be able to reasonably
confirm the vid as the real deal, or prove that Scott is
a 20-somethimg no mates lardanator! PS, I've included a
snap of the dog. He's a precocious three year old Newfoundland
who tips the scales at a not insubstantial 80kg!
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Fran Johns
wrote:
Subject: Cool Shirt Pix...
Hey Orsm, Love the site. In keeping with
tradition, I am sending you an updated picture that should
have been in "cool shirts". It is a pic of my
fiance'. Keep up the good work, everyone on this side of
the pond loves this site...
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charles
wrote:
Subject: f650
hello mr orsm, i love your site.. watch
for the updates regularly. when i saw the pics for the Ford
F650 i was amazed... i love this truck.. i drive the one
pictured and believe it to be one of the best tow trucks
around.. capable of doing so much more than is rated for..
please feel free to use(edited if needed) the enclosed pics.
keep up the good work.
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Cambo
wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
Mr.Orsm. hey this is a photo of a mate
who always swore she would never do anything with girls...
wonderfull what a cocktail party will do to your principles.
hide my address thanks mate. love ur site. keep up the good
work.
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Emailing pic
Hey dude, can you please put this photo
of our friend beans on your site , this was taken on another
big night out in fiji, we all live and work here in fiji
and love your work!!, can you withhold my name. thanks
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Tim
wrote:
Subject: HOW CAMP AM I??
Dear Mr. Orsm, Please put these pics
on your site, I'm begging you! HOW CAMP AM I?? This boy
thinks he's a real hard man, well he did until I took these
pics of him on the sly prancing around in his silly little
pants! He reckons hes a real muscle man sporty as you like,
this was him playing football. If you can please just put
the second sentence under the pic.
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Clare Valley Ad
Howdy. Just thought this might get some
laughs... The Clare Valley people sure do have some strange
demands... Please change/hide my name/email to protect the
innocent. Cheers
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Joey
wrote:
Subject: Perth to Mandurah train line construction
A pic of the tunnel under the city currently
under construction. Thought you might like this :) Cheers
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Peter
wrote:
Subject: Spanish Game Show Host
Do you have any idea who this bird is
? I got an e-mail saying it was a spanish game show host.
Would live to see more of her.
Have had a few people ask about
her. Anyone out there know? -Orsm
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Daniel
wrote:
Subject: commodore gymnastics
Here are some photos of my '99 VT Commodore
(also a before photo) that I wrote off after losing control
at 210 km/h. It barrel rolled 18 times, before ending up
on the roof, then bursting into flames. As a result I have
been in hospital for the last month with a broken back,
fractured neck, broken collar bone, 7 broken ribs (2 fractured),
and 2 punctured lungs. I now have my spine held together
with screws and aluminium plates, and am in constant pain.
I am lucky to have survived, the only reason being - I didnt
have a seatbelt on, so I rolled around inside the car, rather
than being crushed by the roof. Hopefully this is a reminder
to everyone out there to slow down and drive safe.
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bananadong
wrote:
Subject: Banana Worx
hi orsm, here is my newest shit for your
great site. greetinx to down under
Umm... thanks mate... -Orsm
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Dave
wrote:
Subject: Who IS this girl???
Hi Orsm. These pics were sent by a guy
pretending to be a chick on chat. Not bad!!
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Russ
wrote:
Subject: New M-60 Mk 43
For all you old timers and young timers
who carried or fired the M-60 machine gun. Remember the
ranges and Infantry Training? Here's short film demonstrating
the newest model of the M-60 machine gun. It also demonstrates
a new way to dig ditches! Amazing. I can remember changing
hot barrels after just 200 rounds and now they are talking
15000 rounds!
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Aberdeen Angus
wrote:
Subject: Scottish Guy Joins The Mile High Club
Hi Mate, Happy New Year and all that,
I trust your excellent site will be of the same standard
this year as previous years. This clip is from a local comedy
show. Pissed up holidaymakers, you can't beat them (you
can try though)
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Brett Miosge
wrote:
Subject: robots
just a vid of some robots my kids got
4 xmas cool site
Robosapiens right? So many times
I have come so close to buying one of them but then it occurs
to me I aren't 6 years old anymore and it will probably
just scare the dog... -Orsm
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duztr
wrote:
Subject: Mud wrestling
ay orsm. got a vid of this chick im "supposed"
to be fucking, but all im gettin is fucked around. this
is on her 18th bday with one of her friends mud wrestling
at a gay bar, connections, here in perth. hopefully one
day ill get into her mud hahaha :)
Mate you'd wanna be careful no
one got in your mud hanging out at Connies! -Orsm
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David Atkins
wrote:
Subject: toys
Hey, we were up late fucking around with
some of my old toys from when I was a kid. Stupid shit,
but amusing.
So childish and immature that
I found myself in hysterics. -Orsm
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Tyler
wrote:
Subject: Disgusting but funny puke event (video)
Hey there, This is a video I taped of
the aftermath following a friends bachelor party. Good friends,
good time, and puke olympics. There will be more where this
came from if you use it Awesome site, keep up the good work.
Tyler (camera guy) Noah, Mark and crew!
That's fucking crazy... and disgusting...
and hilarious. Sympathy-spewers beware! -Orsm
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THE
HOTTEST NAKED TASTIEST BABES ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH CAN BE FOUND
BY CLICKING HERE.
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink
is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car
is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where
have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course,"
slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks
like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I
did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing
straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh,
thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there,
I thought I'd gone deaf."
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other
at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her
why she's so down. "My husband just left me. He said I'm too
kinky in bed," she said. "What a coincidence! My wife
just left me," said the man, "she told me that I was too
kinky for her, too!"
The two talk a little while longer, and finding
that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's
house to have kinky sex.
When they get to the woman's house she turns
to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into
something more comfortable." She goes into the bathroom and
changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit.
However, as she is coming out of her bathroom,
the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door. "What
happened?" She said, "I thought you wanted to have kinky
sex?" He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed
your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done. Seeya."
ORSM
VIDEO
IF
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE FREE PICS & VIDS OF GIRLS FUCKING GIRLS
THEN PLEASE DO NOT CLICK HERE!
Adam was walking around the Garden
of Eden and he felt lonely. "What is the matter with you?",
God asked. Adam said, he had no one to talk to. God said, he would
make him a companion and that would be a woman.
He said: "The woman will collect food for you
and she will make your food, and when you discover clothes she will
wash it for you.
She will also agree with you in all of your decisions
and she will not argue with you, and she will always be the first
to admit that she is wrong when you have a fight or disagreement.
She will compliment you!
She will carry your children and will never ask
you to get up at nights to take care of the children.
She will NEVER have a headache and will always
give you love and passion whenever you want it."
Adam asked God "What is the price of such a woman?"A
God Answered "An arm and a leg". Then Adam asked "What can I then
get for a rib?" "Then it becomes a little different..." The
rest is history...
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An inflatable pupil goes to his
inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in his history
lesson he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor he sees
the inflatable headmaster walking towards him so he pulls a compass
out of his pencil case and stabs him.
He runs out of the school. As he gets outside
he thinks again "I hate school" and pulls his compass
out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable
home.
Two hours later his inflatable mum is knocking
at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking,
the inflatable boy pulls out the compass and stabs himself.
Later on in the evening he wakes up in the inflatable
hospital and sees the headmaster is in the inflatable bed next to
him. Shaking his deflated head more in sorrow than in anger, the
headmaster gravely intones "You've let me down, you've let
the school down but, worst of all, you've let yourself down"
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