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Welcome to Orsm.net and welcome
to the last
damn update of the year!
Woohoo... it's finally here!
Today is my last work day for the year and I am absolutely bloody
chuffed about that let me tell you! The last few of months has been
nothing short of hectic and that's intensified over the last few
weeks to the point where if there was nothing to look forward to
[like a week off] there is a good chance I would have gone insane.
As we all know Christmas
is just a few days away and as it's turned out the one thing I promised
myself I wouldn't let happen, has. Yes I'm talking about the good
old Christmas
shopping [again] which I have been complaining incessantly about
lately. Is it done? No. Is it almost done? No. Have I even started?
NO!
I don't know how I let it happen.
I spent too much time trying to work out what to get everyone and
not enough time actually getting it done... which in itself has
been a challenge. There's been so much social stuff going on, around
the house projects and running this site absorbs a huge amount of
time too.
Last weekend was an absolute
killer. It started Friday with digging out a trench and eventually
the beginnings of a wall. They say the trick is making sure the
first coarse [row] of bricks is the most important because all the
ones above it will sit relative to them. What they don't tell you
is if you have no idea what you're doing prepare for some frustration
whilst you 'try' and perfect the first few.
I woke up bright and early Saturday
with best intentions to keep going but I was sore all over from
the previous day. After slacking around the house for a while I
decide it was time to give the place a quick clean. One thing led
to another and another and six hours later and I was finally done.
After that it was off to some friends place for a BBQ thing which
ended up going quite late but I had a good time so who cares right?
Up early again Sunday morning
and got stuck into the wall building again. I should point out that
this is a pretty simple wall - no cement or footings or anything
like that, just a plain old 1 metre high retaining wall. The hard
part comes in the weight of the blocks. According to the website
each one weighs 16.6 kilograms so after a while they tend to get
fucking heavy. In the 2 hours I don't think I've ever worked so
hard or sweated so much in my life. Next up was another BBQ, an
afternoon off and a much needed nap. All up it was a pretty great
weekend.
At this point the next few days
are looking slightly daunting. My shopping officially begins tomorrow.
According to my list I now know what I am getting everyone so with
a bit of luck I should be able to wrap everything up in just a few
hours... unless of course all the stuff is sold out and I need to
go shop to shop which I'm sure I'll love...
As for the big day... well I
still don't know exactly what my 'obligations' are. Apparently Christmas
lunch is with Mum's side of the family and dinner with Dad's side.
I distinctly remember trying to see everyone last year - family,
friends, friends families, friends of family friends etc - but I've
well and truly shit canned that idea this year. If memory serves
I racked up around 200 kilometres and was destroyed by the end of
it.
This far out the thing I am most
happy about is the weather forecast. Apparently we're in the midst
of the coldest start to summer in a decade and the forecast for
the 25th is fine and warm... not sweltering, rainy and humid like
last year. That was like a bad joke.
Onto the Chopper clips I have
posted [here
and here]
over the last month or so... I still continue to be inundated with
requests for info and more, more MORE! For those who don't know
they are from a show called the Ronnie
Johns Half Hour which is on Channel 10 [in Australia obviously].
Unfortunately the series has finished for the year but will hopefully
be back in 06. If you wanna see more of the clips from the show
then you're in luck. Just click
here!
Anyway I think its time to crank
this bad boy up but before I do I would first like to point you
at the latest instalment of Prycless
pics. I'll try and keep them happening throughout the new year.
Also now would probably be a good time to take the opportunity and
thank everyone for their support in 2005! Without you guys surfing
by, emailing me and spreading the Orsm
word to your mates the site wouldn't exist! On with it...
I've been subtly plugging RateMyPix.com
for the last couple of months now but what I haven't said is why!
It's my new site! Okay so maybe it's not the most original concept
ever but I think you'll find the chicks that post on there are smokin'
hot! Girls and guys are welcome to jump on and upload your own
pics and have the world to rate your body! Trust me - you'll find
it's alarmingly addictive. Check
it!
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
The Russians are still secretly watching. The
cold war may be over but the hot whores are just getting started.
It's eye-spy
candidly played with naked female comrades.
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Hottest
Godess - Victorias
Secret Gurls - Owned!
- Ding
Dong - Porn
TopList - Crazy
Cop Vids - Fat
Fighters
Bumble
Beez - Tetris
3D - Silent
Night -
Lynx Effect - Snow
Blower - Xmas
From Kev - Hottie
Kate - Fast
Knock-Out
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross
the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside
him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it
to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure
did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5
ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell
Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young
girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there
sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did,"
chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not
on top."
--
A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg. His friend
says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers
from upstairs please." The guy goes upstairs and there are
his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters. "Hi, girls.
Your dad sent me up here to shag you." The first daughter says,
"That's not true." He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?" His mate yells
back, "Of course, both of them."
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Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby. Unfortunately,
the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home
from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's
dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about
the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get
the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said,
"He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. "Can he see?"
asked Little Johnny.
"Yes", the mother replied, "we
are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision "That's
great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be fucked if he
needed glasses."
ORSM
VIDEO
Remember back a few weeks
ago I posted
the video of a guy's house that was covered top to bottom
in lights synched to some fancy music and how mind-blowingly
spectacular it was? Well turns out two can play at that game!
This vid is of a place in Sherman Oaks, California and I think
you'll all agree is just as impressive. Check it...
- [Another]
Best Christmas Lights Ever - |
 |
SICK
OF BEING DESPERATE & DATELESS? WANNA GET LAID TONIGHT? WELL CLICK
HERE NOW!
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighbourhood
on his usual route. As he approached one of the homes he noticed
that both cars were in the driveway. His wondering was cut short
by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and
liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell
of a party last night," the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we
had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving
since 4:00 AM Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from
around the neighbourhood over for Christmas
Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight
that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How
do you play that?" Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and
we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our
"privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the
women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm
sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did,"
Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times!"
Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet?
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a look!
READER MAIL
Once again it's been another quiet
email week. Still makes no sense - site traffic has stayed about
the same but everyone has stopped filling my inbox with goodies
from afar. I can only assume all you guys have been far too busy
in the lead up to Christmas
to waste time sending mail.
It's not as if it's a complete
loss though! The final Overflow for the year can be found here.
I have absolutely no idea how old some of the emails are but rather
than just leave them collecting dust and never seen I thought you
guys would enjoy a little something extra.
Anyway, if you'd like to contribute
to the site then we'd love to see you're stuff. On the Orsm's Most
Wanted list are nude pics of your wife, girlfriend or tasty ex,
videos of your mate doing something completely retarded, juicy holiday
stories and jokes that made you laugh so hard a little bit of piss
came out! All you gotta do is click here
to make the magic happen!
<wih
held> wrote:
Subject: Gday gday
Just one thing on Cronulla, personally
I think its been boiling up for a while, and while the beating
of innocent people is absolutly unacceptable, I think that
it can be understood that those red-necks might might have
had enough of them. Some of the trouble that they (and by
they, I dont mean lebanese, I meant racist thugs) cause
up there is unacceptable. The retaliation, even though it
was wrong in essence, is a pretty understandable response
when alot of caucasian women get raped, and men get beaten
up unprovoked.
Im no advocate for caucasians
either, I definetly think they can give as good as they get.
Most of those racist thugs were probably teased heaps at school
by the people they now hate.
My idea is simple. Do what Israel
does. If someone commits some horrible racially motivated
attack on an innocent, they should have their house demolished.
Not only would that act as a good deterrent, it would also
clear alot of land in outer sydney that was crap anyways!
Either that or crush then soop'ed up fooly sik cars into tin
cans. Thats what i'd do if I was king of the universe anyways. |
Marwan Moubarak
wrote:
Subject: Leb from Finland
I am a Christian Lebanese ,living far
from Australia ,actually in Finland. I've heard what happened
in Cornulla beach and many other places and I am very sorry.
Our people don't run around in gangs targeting "whites"
to rape or bash. We are generally better educated than the
Muslims and do indeed respect the law.
The problem is Islam. An ignorant
superstition direct from the middle ages. Islam is arrogant
and intolerant and causes problems wherever it is found. Put
Islam into the mix and expect trouble. I feel bad when I see
the Aussies smeared as "racists" and the media mentioning
Lebanese. I was pretty sure it was not Christian Lebanese
causing the troubles.
The violence that is occurring
today is not a battle between 'Lebanese' and 'Australian'.
But it is between groups of youths who are looking for any
excuse to cause trouble. I should treat the Muslims same here
in Finland. Give them a hard time and make them feel so uncomfortable
that they want to leave. Btw keep the good work ,I´ve
been checking your site 4? years. |
Willem
wrote:
Subject: Alive in Jozi
Festive greetings fellow neighbour! Just
a note of thanks to yourself and your fans alike (Davie in
particular) for the Alive in Joburg vid uploaded recently!
I live in Joburg and love every single bit of this beautiful
country. Especially the ladies, wine and offcourse it's pride.
It's a truly amazing country to live in and although it is
sometimes tough the rewards we are reaping is priceless and
makes it all worth while. |
Jason
wrote:
Subject: CHAV?
Orsm!! Great site! Look forwrd to the
updates and the Randome Shite! What the Hell is CHAV fashion?!?
I feel I'm just some stunned fuck from Canada without a
clue or am I just not up with it? If you care,,, let me
know.
Check out ChavScum.co.uk.
-Orsm |
Mark
wrote:
Subject: Kewl video
Thought you'd might like to see my
mates cool music video and listen to some of his tracks.
He's unsigned at the moment but I don't think for long!
|
Mark D
wrote:
Subject: Nude drawings
Hi. Love your site and have visited many
times since 2000. I love to draw female parts, so here
is my art. Thought you could show some on your site.
|
steve philly
wrote:
Subject: for your priceless
jessica had
too much to drink! |
 |
Nick
wrote:
Subject: Boston weather
Hey Orsm - I thought you might get a
good laugh at this picture. This is the weather we had in
Boston (Massachusetts) last week - pretty fucking crazy.
Reminded me of my time spent in Melbourne.
|
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Killer Gravy
wrote:
Subject: manginas in patagonia
Please
embarass my friends by posting these pics of amazing scenery
ruined by gayness. Thanks. |
 |
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Wes
wrote:
Subject: Merry X-mas Mother Fucker
Attached is a tree that was in the University
of Utah Credit Union. Nothing like a grenade to bring out
the X-mas Spirit. Thanks
|
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Dubs
wrote:
Subject: NWS
The University of Western Ontario is
investigating an incident in which a female first-year student
performed a full striptease and lap dance last week for
several males in a residence bedroom, with graphic photos
soon sent out over the Internet.
|
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Billy Browne
wrote:
Subject: 2002 Ferrari 360 F1 Spider Total Loss
The driver lost it at over 120 MPH on the Northbound lanes of
the 101, hit a pole at the left front and this was the result.
He was injured and the owner (passenger) was OK. |
 |
David Atkins
wrote:
Subject: IM Death
This is a funny little picture set my
friend and I took after another friend told me over IM to
'kill' him.
|
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: wild turkey
Hey orsm, Lets just say people really
should learn to secure their computers a little better.
Enjoy, some may require a bucket though. Withold email and
name please.
Naaaaaaaaaasty... -Orsm
|
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Trev
wrote:
Subject: London underground
bit rough but true song... i love the
underground... best part of visiting london
|
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L.M.P Boss
wrote:
Subject: Loudmouthcrew.com
Dear Mr ORSM... The Loud Mouth Boys thought
it would be almost illegal if we didn't help out a fellow
Aussie website, so we decided to forward you one of our
vids. We are basically a large crew of dudes spread over
Canberra, Sydney, New Castle and some parts of QLD that
loves to ride anything with a motor and smoke anything that's
green... oops I meant rubber. We religiously check your
site for updates at the end of everyweek because its easily
one of the best sites out.... we got your back.... and the
underground on lock.
|
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R. Bruce Todd
wrote:
Subject: You gotta liten to thisten to this one ...a couple
of Fun points
You gotta really listen to all of the
words of this one ...it has Heather Bambrick written all
over it ... on the fun points of Christmas of course!
|
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Rich
wrote:
Subject: hey orsm
Thought I'd tell you a funny story.
So this chick I'm screwing around with calls me up and asks
me to take some "artistic" photos of her for her
friend up at NYU's last minute art project which just happens
to be a large chunk of her grade. I say yes. Gal comes over.
Upon arrival she asks me if I have a video camera, her "friend"
asked her to make take video instead of photo. I assure
her that my camera has video. After a few warm up takes
I get the “artistic” video. Send to “friend”.
Turns out that her “friend” was some old dude
posing as her “friend” on IM. Life's Lesson
#1: don't send nekkid vids across the internet. Life's Lesson
#2: don't call the guy you had film it a dickhead.
|
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Funny stuff for you
An office buddy pointed me at your site
and it I thought that I might make a contribution. Michael
I am sure you will be the first one to spot it and know
it was me, but just remember you showed me this site in
the first place. I have a friend who encoded a police interview
with a guy who has obviously been in trouble before and
knows how to get out of it. I don't know anyone who hasn't
peed themselves while listening to it, and I thought it
would be a hoot to get it out to the rest of the world for
a good laugh. I'm probably going to cop it at work now for
sending this but it's just so bloody funny
|
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When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the
trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones,
Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming
to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found
that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the
fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of
the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered
the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for
a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard
he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was
nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the
cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over
the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice
had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa
trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel
with a great big Christmas
tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas,
Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where
would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel
on top of the Christmas
tree.
At Sydney University,
there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well
on all the midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "HD"
so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with
the finals approaching that the weekend before, they decided to
go down to Canberra and party with some friends there.
They had a great time. However, after all the
hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final
exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their
professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research
in the ANU archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in
time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way
back, and got stuck waiting for help to arrive. As a result, they
only just arrived now!
The professor thought it over and then agreed
they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys
were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night
- and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test
booklet (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin.
The first problem was worth five points. It was
something simple about free radical formation. "Cool,"
they all thought in their separate rooms, this is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
Question 2 for 95 points: Which
tyre?
ORSM
VIDEO
I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
There was a man who worked for the
Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible
addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting
to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The
letter read:
Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow,
living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse.
It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension
check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends
over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food
with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope! Can
you please help me? Sincerely, Edna.
The postal worker was touched. He showed the
letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet
and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds,
he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to
the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow
thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with
her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another
letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around
while the letter was opened, It read:
Dear God, How can I ever thank you
enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I
was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very
nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way,
there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards
at the Post Office. Sincerely, Edna
THE
HOTTEST NAKED TASTIEST BABES ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH CAN BE FOUND
BY CLICKING HERE.
There was this parrot that lived
in a monastery and enjoyed cursing. Each time he cursed the monk
would threaten to punish him. One day when the old monk passed by
the parrot screamed, "Fuck You!" Angry, the monk grabbed
the bird and shoved him in the freezer for 5 minutes. When he was
released, the tropical bird swore that he would never do it again.
A couple of days had passed,
the bird couldn't hold it in any longer and started to curse at
a group of monks passing by. Embarrassed in front of his colleagues,
the monk shoved the bird in the freezer again, this time for an
hour. When he was released, the bird swore that he had really learned
his lesson.
A week later, the monk walked
up to the bird and reminded him of his promise. The monk said that
a high priest was coming for a visit and the bird ought to be on
his best behaviour. The parrot agreed. But when the parrot saw the
high-priest with a shining bald head, the bird had to make a comment,
"Ha-ha-ha! Look at that bald dickhead! Fuck You! Fuck You!"
The
monk rushed forward and shoved the animal in the freezer. Three
hours later he was released. "Well, have you truly learned
your lesson?" asked the monk. "BBBBBefore IIIIII answer
that, may, may I ask youuuuu something?" responded the frozen
bird. "Of course." said the monk. "WWWhat the fuckin'
HELL did the turkey do to have to stay there for so long?"
A northern Territory farm hand radios back to
the farm manager, "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit
a pig with the ute. The pig's ok but he's stuck in the bull bar
at the front of my ute and is wriggling & squealing so much
I cannot get him out".
The manager says "Okay there's a 303 behind
the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in the head & you'll
be able to remove him".
Five minutes later the farm hand calls back.
"I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and shot the pig in the
head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I
still can't go on."
"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager.
"Well Boss, it's his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck
under the right front wheel arch..."
ORSM
VIDEO
Well guys that's it not just
for this update but for this year as well! Once again thanks to
everyone who has supported the site this year. We hit record traffic
days and weeks all year long and I'm looking forward to working
my ass off through 2006 to make Orsmnet bigger and better than ever...
as long as you guys keep coming back!
When shall I return? At this
stage the next update is planned for January
5th so make sure you tune back in AND make sure you tell
all your mates about this absolutely fucking kick-ass amazing site
you found called O-R-S-M-DOT-NET!
To all I wish a very Merry Christmas
and a safe and Happy New Year! You all rock my fucking world!
Until next year be good, stay
off the chems and don't drink and drive! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
