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Welcome to Orsmnet. I'd like to take this opportunity
to set the record straight for the representatives of news and celebrity
gossip media organisations that have been trying to contact me in
regards to rumours which have been circulating recently - it is
true, I AM dating both of the Olsen twins. I can release no further
information at this time suffice to say that a sex tape will be
released in the not too distant future and my only comment on the
matter is "they are both completely shaven, baby!!!!!!".
I've had a complete change of heart this year
on two things I've always been fairly against [at least on a personal
level] with the first one of those being bikes. I woke up one morning
some time early this year and decided that it's time to take the
plunge. Not just a normal push-bike obviously, some fat Harley type
of thing that makes far too much noise for my own good. I know the
Jap bikes are faster etc but I prefer cruising to racing so low
and slow it is.
We've always had this thing in our family that
bikes are dangerous and for as long as I can remember we were brought
up being discouraged from owning one. It was never a case of if
you buy a bike you'll be disowned... just that you were a bloody
idiot if you did. Nine months down the track and it hasn't progressed
much further than a pipe dream aside from me making a call enquiring
about lessons a while back.
At this point its one of those things that I'll
do one day when I've got more free time so for now it stays on the
list. I'm not saying I haven't done it yet because my oldies will
frown upon it, just that there are more important things to worry
about at the moment. I get obsessive about shit like this too -
if I start I'll be compelled to see it through until I become a
competent rider, have all the latest shit and of course the best
bike. Almost all too hard...
My latest little must-do revelation has come
in the last couple of days and pertains to gun ownership. Guns are
something I have always been against. I've never needed one, I don't
have any enemies and I don't feel I need one for self defense. My
objection to them is that you can't trust people plus every time
you switch on the news there's a report of someone being wasted
courtesy of a crazed gunman.
I've been shooting once before - it was a work
Christmas party probably 5-6 years ago. Our boss took us out to
the middle of nowhere and we spent a couple of hours shooting a
variety of different 'toys'. The one thing I remember about the
day was just how powerful they actually are. Seeing a huge pump-action
shot gun fired on TV doesn't come close to capturing what it's like
to belt out a few rounds in real life. There was also the danger
of standing around with a couple of co-workers which I despised
and probably felt the same way about me. I was an apprentice back
then and fuck, who knows what goes through people's heads...
Anyway as I was saying - a few days ago I found
myself compelled to do a Google on 'buy handguns online' purely
due to the fact I have always wondered how much they cost. A couple
of hours later I'd picked out the
gun I wanted and started making calls to find out how to get
a gun license. Quite the turn around huh?
So this Saturday Orsmnet tech wizard Honer and
I are headed off to a shooting range to start the process. I'm quite
excited but at the same time hoping that if I can just fire off
a few rounds for an hour it'll be enough to get the whole gun thing
out of my system for a few more years but we'll see.
A 'boys and their toys' call could be made here
and you'd be well within your rights to do so but I guess in the
end it all comes down to money and whether or not I can afford to
divulge in these little extravagances that grab my interest from
time to time.
One little extravagance I don't mind divulging
in is NewbieNudes.com.
I spend most of my spare time there surfing the well over 100,000
free pics which are updated daily, interacting with the babes
that post pics and perusing the extensive vid section. If you're
a Newbie
Nudes virgin then today is the day to check it out!
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean..
Killer Swell
- Michael
Moore Vs Casino - Salad
Fingers: Episode 4 - Paintball
Minigun - Invisibilty
- Helicopter
Man
Hold
The Button - Nice
Upskirt - PopUp
Check - Blast
Billiards - Johnnie
Sweet
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next
to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says,
"Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust
and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies.
"It must be your feet, then."
--
Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.
--
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
"How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks
up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE
on the other side."
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What
would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to
get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she
won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When
the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they
had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost
his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked
where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird
and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her
roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it
go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
ORSM
VIDEO
People do dumb things all the time and
its even better when someone catches it all on tape... sort
of like what happened to this cop. Common sense that dictates
the simple things like "don't drive on the train tracks"
was obviously not adhered to and in its place he opted for
"Ima gonna show off for the camera". How embarassing...
Dumb
Cop: Real Life Chief Wiggam |
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His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish
farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he
heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools
and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was
a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer
Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying
death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the
Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped
out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming
had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You
saved my son's life." "No, I can't accept payment for
what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer.
At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family
hovel.
"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.
"Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you
a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son
will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt
grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.
Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time,
graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and
went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander
Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who
was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his
life this time? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph
Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Someone once said:
What goes around comes around.
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is the latest thing to sweep the net. Here's how it works: you go
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They've got ALL the latest celebrity sex vids, thousands of porn
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READER MAIL
It felt a bit like everyone had something
to say this week. All good by me - it's a pretty good sign that
some of you actually had a hand free whilst surfing the update.
For all the rest, shame on you! If you've got something to say,
got a good joke to tell or seen something that is Orsm-worthy then
click here and send it my way!
BKelley
wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
I must say that even though I truly enjoy
your site everyday, I feel I must disagree with the set
of pics that include the use of cocaine. That set is
a demoralizing and apprehensible use of sexual enjoyment.
This set, I feel, should be discontinued and literally erased
from the site. As a person who is a recovering addict, it
shames me to see such a vulgar display. Such pics are not
condusive to the recovery of addicts everywhere. And although
I am merely one person, I know that I am not the only one
that feels this way. I thank you for your time in reading
my email, and taking this issue under advisement.
Fair call but the pics won't be
removed from the site. If I removed everything that offended
everyone there would be little left to come here for. -Orsm
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Yerffaccm
wrote:
Subject: Your View of America
Mr. Orsm, I'm currently an American citizen
considering making the move to Australia within the next
few years. I was just curious as to how people in your country
viewed the current actions that President George W. Bush
is taking aroung the world, namely in Iraq, and just your
overall opinion of him and the United States in general.
Also, do you think John Kerry would make a better leader.
If you have the time I would really appreciate you getting
back to on this, your insight as an Australian citizen would
be great to have.
Touching on anything remotely
political is usually a bad idea - there's always some Nazi
who has the exact opposite view point and feels it necessary
to write me an all caps email telling me how fucked I am
and that all Australians are just convicts. I'll throw this
one open to any one who wants to comment
and see what comes back...
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PoshBill
wrote:
Subject: From England
Hello, I couldn't help but notice that
at the beginning of this months editorial you felt it necessary
to have a pop at the English (British) Olympic team, uncalled
for me thinks. The reason behind australia beating us in
the medal stakes is that as a nation you are more hungry
to achieve, as this is something you have never done. I
can understand that as a nation you are going to hold a
bit of resentment for the fatherland of your country, especially
when achieving our goals is something we know all about.
It doesn't pay to be to cocky especially when all you and
your people are is English degenerates that got caught thieving
or brassing in my country hundreds of years ago and got
slung out. All that is left to say is that Australians are
winging, squinty eyed, leather faced, mining, sheep fucking,
vb drinking cunting fucks.
Ya site is fucking fabulous though
mate, keep up the good work and if it makes you feel any
better, after Danni Minogue you are my favourite australian.
p/s please excuse any spelling
or punctuation mistakes........I was dropped on my head
as a baby.
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Adam
wrote:
Subject: Eleanor site
Hey dude, I know you're busy and get
a ton of lame-ass emails telling you to check this out or
something like that but it's in reference to Eleanor on
eBay on your August 19th update. UniquePerformance.com
is the company that created "Eleanor". They reproduce
the Shelby's with Ford and Shelby himself approving the
projects. I would definitely recommend checking it out.
Frigg'n cool !!!
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Al
Berto wrote:
Subject: Spyware
Hi, Mr. Orsm. I completely agree with you
about pop ups and spyware. It's almost impossible for someone
without (and even for those with) computer skills to stay
off of them. But there's one very easy solution for almost
all spyware: get rid of Microsoft's Internet Explorer. That's
the best way to protect your computer from all the rubbish
of internet. Try Netscape, Opera, Mozilla (the one i'm using)
or whatever. Anything but MIE. And if you don't like them,
you can uninstall them (i wish i could uninstall MIE)
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SuperTwink
wrote:
Subject: my mate gayth
Hi orms. First I just wanna say killer
site d00d. it rocks lol !!!11!1 anyway attachd is a pic
of my gay mate nath. we snuk into his room last nite after
we were out oin the town and found him with 2 guys. . can
you post it on the site for the world to see. K thx bai
Obvious fake but the guy still
looks like a complete homo so here it is. -Orsm
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Robert Boehm
wrote:
Subject: Weird Hotel
Hello Mr. Orsm, it's been a while since
I've last mailed you, but, just in case no one had been
quicker to do so, I wanted to tell you that the "weird
hotel" looks a lot like a place called "Propeller
Island City Lodge", as to be found under propeller-island.de/.
And I hope you're interested in this bit of information
after all. :-)
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hercurette
wrote:
Subject: Because of you I wank too much
Mr. Orsm. I am one of those people who
can only wank to hardcore porn. Your site has always had
the hottest chicks, but I have noticed how much more hardcore
it has gotten in the last 4 updates or so. Thank you, Mr.
Orsm! It doesn't go unnoticed!
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Colin
Jones wrote:
Subject: Appeal
The other day I was walking through
the park and saw this poor homeless soul sleeping on a bench.
This sad castaway of society, was shivering and lonely. I
thought that as a random act of kindness it would be the least
I could do to offer a home cooked meal, a bed, and a comforting
arm and a hug. I'm forwarding this on to everyone I know,
in an effort to bring light and hope to the homeless people
in our communities. I hope that others will see this and also
feel compelled to give those less fortunate, a helping hand.
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Pyry
wrote:
Subject: random shite ?
Greetings from nowhere ! Love your site,
it really expands understanding and makes the world smaller
? Anyway, here's something that proves, that we finns are
very self-confident. Our technological pride, Nokia, is
preparing to conquer the world despite lousy developement
in mobile phones...
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Rob Duda
wrote:
Subject: Pic
Just a little something I thought you might
like. Shprt skirts are back!
Aussie Rules Footy needs something just like this. -Orsm
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Robert R. Giannini
wrote:
Subject: Actual jail mug shot
This mug shot was from a Gwinnett County,
Georgia book-in photo off of the Sheriff's website. Normally
the deputies just take pictures of the face, but this time
they made sure to include the shirt.
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Ramon Vall
Guillemat wrote:
Subject: truck for costumice cars
Hi guys!! I write from Catalonia inside
Spain. one year ago my father went to England to see a show,
and He took a photo of the truck up on a poor car, I think
that is a good machine to costumice cars. Best regards and
I enjoyed your site every week, it's great!!!! don't change!!!
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| jörg
neumann wrote:
Subject: video for u
hey mr orsm, we made a stop motion movie,
and if u like to, u can put it on your site...
Different... -Orsm |
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Andy
wrote:
Subject: Rocket fuel factory goes boom
In 1989 a rocket fuel factory caught
fire in Henderson Nevada. The shock wave is awesome! I love
the site. I wanna see more of that Swan chick....
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CKLA wrote:
Subject: some pics for you
Hey Mr.Orsm,
awesome site. Here are some pics of me and my friends having
some fun...thanks |
At church, Joe was in charge of taking up the
offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the
cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned
Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the
congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering.
The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not
take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional"
which Joe did.
Then the priest asked him did you take any of
the offering and this time he said "I can't hear you".
Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the offering?"
Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". This time the priest
yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING" Again Joe
answered "I can't hear you".
By this time the priest was getting a little
angry so he came out of the confessional and said "Joe trade places
with me and you can ask me a question." So they traded places and
Joe asked "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is
that true?" To which the priest answered "By Golly you can't hear
in here!"
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence,
22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch
11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious
behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett
County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is
soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose,
cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with
evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to
notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware
of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That
was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor
"I walked up to Lawrence and he's... just pumping away at this
pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
approached Lawrence.
"I just went up and said, "Excuse me
sir, but do you realise that you're having sex with a pumpkin? He
froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
looked me straight in the face and said,"A pumpkin? Fuck me,
is it midnight already?"
ORSM
VIDEO
A little rabbit is happily running through the
forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit
looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, think about what you're
doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll
see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks
at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke.
So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do
this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with
us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all,
then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about
to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about
what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the
sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him,
puts down his needle and starts to beat the shit out of the little
rabbit. The giraffe & elephant watch in horror, then finally
obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit.
"Lion", they reprimand, "why did you do this? He
was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That
little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for
hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
A man was walking down the road and he finds
a bottle. He opens it and a genie jumps out. "Thanks' says the genie
'I've been stuck in that bottle for fifty odd years... I'll grant
you three wishes....but think carefully".
The man thinks for a while and says "I want to
be uncontrollably rich". The genie claps his hands and tells the
man "When you go home, you will find your first wish granted". "For
my second wish, I want an endless supply of beer". Again the genie
claps his hands and tells the man "When you go home, you will find
your second wish granted." The man thinks for a while and then tells
the genie "My last wish is a bit personal... can I whisper it to
you?" The man whispers into the genie's ear. The genie says "You'll
have to give me a day or two on that one... but you will get it."
A couple of days later the man is in his Kitchen,
pouring a pint of bitter from his tap, when there's a knock at the
door. Who could that be wonders the man... and goes to answer the
door. He was shocked when he opened the door... he found a Klu Klux
Klan member with a burning cross on his doorstep. "What the hell
are you doing?" asked the man. "Well..." the KKK member replied,
"you wanted to be hung like a black man!"
RANDOM SHITE
Before you surf through the
below pics this week please be warned that there is some completely
fucked up shit contained within. There's also plenty of good,
interesting and possibly even arousing stuff but towards the
end you'll come across an image that will remain burned inside
my head for life...
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Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot
would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a
man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off
with, "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"
In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet
shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
"What you need," he said, "is a female parrot, too.
I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could
borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives."
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her
parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for
the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous
self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for
a nightcap. Suddenly, she heard the parrot screech, and she knew
that things hadn't changed.
"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's
gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said. The owl said, "Whoo?
Whoo?" And the parrot said, "Not you, you big-eyed bitch!"
On a curvy mountain highway late one night, my
dad was complaining about the car behind us. "That guy must
be drunk!" he said. "Every time I move over to let him
pass, he slows down. When I get back on the road, he gets closer
and stays on my tail."
Thirty minutes later, the car turned on a set
of flashing blue lights. Coming up to our window, the officer said,
"Sir, I'd like you to take an alcohol test. You've been swerving
on and off the road for half an hour."
Okay thats me all done for another
week. I'm glad it's all over so I can finally rest. I realised that
other day that for the last month I've worked 7 days a week. The
inevitable burn-out will show its ugly head soon and undo all the
effort I've put in since I switched to weekly updates. Ah well...
Anyway until next time be good,
stay off the chem's and for the love of god try being less selfish,
make my day and visit
my wishlist and make a brother happy! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
