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Welcome to Orsmnet. Obviously
you have a beef, Stu... but please don't stir things up...
Another week? Seriously where
the hell does it all go? I could have sworn I just finished last
weeks update yesterday...?
Talking of updates... some of
you may be happy to see they are 100% back to normal again this
week with nothing omitted or missing. The whole holiday/take a break
thing never really eventuated but I did at least put the time to
good use.
Sadly though I've come to define
'good use' as working like a dog. Even with a weekend and the Anzac
Day public holiday thrown in for good measure not a whole lot else
has been going on except sitting at my desk chained to the computer
via my mouse hand staring blankly into the screen and punching away
at the keyboard.
Turns out that taking on more
work than I could handle wasn't such a good idea after all and now
I'm paying the price. It's a case of one day hopefully it'll be
all worth the trouble but for the moment I'm starting to get sick
of the sixteen hour days, seven working day weeks and stress-filled
sleepless nights. I'd usually throw in a 'poor me' here but people
who feel sorry for themselves annoy the crap out of me...
Moving on... I hate to admit
it but I've been fighting off Big Brother withdrawal symptoms since
it wrapped up last year however, much to my delight, it has returned
in earnest for 2006. For the next seventeen weeks or so we'll be
provided with ample opportunity to criticise, bitch about, hate
on and gossip over fifteen relatively
random people.
Such is my addiction to this
show I have even gone as far as signing up for the 'premium' section
of the BB website so I can see what's going on in the house any
time of the day or nite... and trust me that I have been doing!
This is where having a widescreen monitor is awesome - I can keep
working away and have a little streaming window open in the corner
without interrupting what I'm doing.
For the most part I find reality
TV excruciating. The Amazing Race, Idol, Survivor, The Apprentice
- they all suck ass and I can't think of a single other reality
show that is worth watching but for some reason I have stuck with
BB since the first series way back in 2001. Despite the closely
controlled environment [and as sad as it may be], BB seems the most
real and entertaining.
This weekend... I have
no idea. As utterly boring as it sounds it looks like I will be
stuck working once again. Not that it matters much - now that the
cold weather has kicked in night time activities are limited to
strictly indoor unless you like freezing your janglies off [which
funnily enough I don't]. With some luck all this extra shit that
has been piled on my plate will come to an end over the next few
weeks which means life can return to normal and I can get back to
some of the things I miss like the odd DVD and sleep. Here's hoping!
Don't even think about paying for porn on the
net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on
the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn?
Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us
who get
it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and
accept paying for porn the less free
porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com
teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!
The
Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resource.com
has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured
on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search
engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if
they use her free
adult comsumer resource.
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Naked
Pool Party - Artificial
Love - Base
Jumper - Emo
Song [Hilarious] - Human
Touch -
Cop Chase - Idiot
Owned
Pimpin'
Preacher - Funny
Bushism's - Jenna
Jameson - RateMyPix
- Tasty
Teen - Big
Drill -
Big Boobs - Sex
In Public
When Bob found out he was going to inherit a
fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman
to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where
he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I
may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up
to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and
I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that
evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.
An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman
were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar
- a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed
terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they
had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My
God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!"
The others looked again and, sure enough, it
was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman called
out, "Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at
him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus"
he says.
The Irishman calls the bartender over and says
to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness
from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes
it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles
"thank you" and drinks.
The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse
me Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes,
I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells
him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which
the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and
smiles over at the men.
Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you!
D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes,
I am Jesus." The Australian is mighty impressed and has the
bartender send over a pot of VB for Jesus, which he accepts with
pleasure.
Some time later, after finishing the drinks,
Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for
the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh
God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've
had for years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman,
thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's
eyes widen in shock. By jove, he exclaims, "The migraine I've
had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!"
Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has
a terrified look on his face... "Fuck off, mate! I'm on workers
comp!!"
ORSM
VIDEO
NOT
GETTING ENOUGH OF THE REAL THING? FLESHLIGHT WILL CHANGE THE WAY
YOU GET OFF FOREVER!
Nelson Mandela is sitting at
home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the
door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man,
clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement,
when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You
sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got
the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck
of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,
"You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now,
so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look,
go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then
he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late
in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening
the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard
under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind
him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely,
he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:
"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have
the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults
his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
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a look!
READER MAIL
After a nice two week break Reader
mail is back! I can hardly believe it myself! The good news is that
because there has been an onslaught of quality mail flooding my
inbox during this little hiatus I have decided to make it up to
you guys by posting as much of it as I can... and I'm sure you will
all agree there is some cool shit contained within.
If you'd like to be part of the
Reader Mail revolution then we are always more than happy to see
pics of your bitch Ex, jokes that make you laugh so hard a lung
was busted, videos so amazing that they'll go around the internet
ten million times and pretty much anything else! All you must do
is click here and send it my way.
Peter
wrote:
Subject: Puncture proof tyres
Hey Orsm, Great site, I think the video
clip for the punctureless tyres is for a product called
Stans No Tubes, an aftermarket product which converts tube
tyres to tubless. Have some on my MTB and they rock no more
punctures...
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: self sealing bike tyres
they are probably just self repairing
innertubes - have seen them around in bike shops and even
big w - think they call it slime. works pretty much the
same way as the stuff you can spray into car tyres if you
have a puncture.
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Dean
wrote:
Subject: Rock Bitch Video
Thanks for posting the Rock
Bitch Fisting video on your excellent site. I saw a
doco on these raunchy sluts a while back on SBS. Even though
it was late night SBS, they still had to censor most of
their act out. However you could still work out what on-stage
X rated antics these sex crazed sluts get up to. They even
picked a guy from the audience and took him out the back
and sucked him off ! You dont get THAT at a Britney concert.
What a shame they've now retired. We need a new group to
take over.
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demiurg
wrote:
Subject: Soundtrack of the "Deep Throat" movie
Does anybody know what the soundtrack is
in the "Deep
Throat" movie?
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy. -Orsm |
<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Fiona Cunnenn
Rad dude. Here - post this. Most superficial
chick in Melbourne.... Fiona Cunneen, she lost her top on
a machanical bull at a outdoor broadcast for NOVA FM - stupid
bitch.
Stupid bitch? I have no idea.
Good boobs? Definitely! -Orsm
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Mike
wrote:
Subject: german random shite and ad-clip
Hi Orsm, attached a pic of an unshaved
redhead's rear I banged. Relaxed rest of the week.
Sometimes it's the simple things...
-Orsm
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James Haryett
wrote:
Subject: Beach lesson #43
Don't be shy and ask someone to help
put sunscreen on those hard to reach places on your back,
even if it's only your guy friends around. For even a mildly
homoerotic situation is better than this...
That hurts even just to look at.
-Orsm
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DavidsonImagery.com
wrote:
Subject: Pics
Just some fun with photography. From
down at Lane Poole Reserve, near Dwellingup. (south of perth).
2 minute exposures ... got my mate to sit dead still while
rest of the camp went about its normal business
Love your work Braddles. -Orsm
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Aaron Carr
wrote:
Subject: the ex............
G'day Mr Orsm. Sick site, good to see
a west ozzie doin it for the boys..............!!! Keep
up the good work. I stole some photo's off the ex's phone
before she left. Hope you enjoy em.... Please leave details
off or i'll be off for good. Cheers
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Darkghost
wrote:
Subject: Some Wet tshirt photos for your site
Hi there, love your website! here are
some photos that i took at a wet tshirt comp in a small
town called broome, it was at the local pub. Hope you enjoy
and maybe post on your site!
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malektaus
wrote:
Subject: 2006 Dallas Auto show
Thought you might like these for the
next update. 1st one is Fords concept truck, unluckily this
is the only pic that turned out. 2nd set (4 pics) is the
Camaro concept, retro to the 67' through 69' series but
the only resemblance is the roofline. 3rd is Dodges contribution
to the police, better pull your ass over now!! 4th is Dodges
new Charger concept, hopefully they will do it!!!
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Bung
wrote:
Subject: Foam test Ellsworth AFB
hey matey, don't you love the office
e-mail systems? the cover page for these said: "The Foam
Test AFFF system at Ellsworth AFB Was only supposed to last
a few seconds System wouldn't shut off... I'd hate to have
to explain this." the hangers house B1 bombers ... BIG planes
... BIG hangers ... LOTS of foam i suppose if you're gunna
screw up you might as well do it properly :^
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graeme
wrote:
Subject: vid
g'day orsm, this week you featured a
harley doing a burn out in a shed, which i thought was kinda
crap, cos it was a harley. so, howsabout a burnout in a
shed with a true aussie icon - the good old holden ute?
ok, it's not quite the standard 202 in it, more like a 454,
but it is a local. that is, if you'll allow bunbury to be
local. if you ever go to the drags down at the motoplex,
this is the guy with the turboed ducati. enjoy
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<with
held> wrote:
Subject: boyfriends revenge
find attached video phone footage of a
lass from our area. She's dumped the boyfriend in the footage
but now he's deceided to send it to every fucker and its spreading
like wildfire
Absolutely fucking HOT! -Orsm |
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A lawyer married a woman who had
divorced 8 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband
"Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin". "What?"
said the puzzled groom. "How can that be, you have been married
8 times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kept
telling me how great it would be. Husband #2 was a Salesman, never
tried it but told others how great it is. Husband #3 was an Engineer,
he understood the process but wanted a few years to study possible
methods of implementing the process. Husband #4 was in Management,
he thought he knew how, was told by others how to do it, tutored
and seen video clips on how but was never able to deliver. Husband
#5 was a Mama's boy, she would not let him do it. Husband #6 was
a Psychologist, all he did was talk about it. Husband #7 was a Gynecologist,
all he wanted to do was look at it. Husband #8 was a stamp collector,
all he wanted to do... GOD I miss him!"
"But now that I married you, I am really
excited!" "Good" said the new husband "but why?"
"Because" said the new bride "You're a Lawyer, I
know I'm gonna get screwed!"
HOW TO RECRUIT THE
RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB
Put about 100 bricks in some particular
order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates
in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after
6 hours and then analyse the situation.
- If they are counting the bricks....
put them in the accounts department.
- If they are recounting them... put them in auditing.
- If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks... put
them in engineering.
- If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order... put
them in planning.
- If they are throwing the bricks at each other... put them in operations.
- If they are sleeping... put them in security.
- If they have broken the bricks into pieces... put them in information
technology.
- If they are sitting idle... put them in human resources.
- If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a
brick has been moved... put them in sales.
- If they have already left for the day... put them in marketing.
- If they are staring out of the window... put them on strategic
planning.
- And then last but not least... if they are talking to each other
and not a single brick has been moved congratulate them and put
them in top management.
RANDOM SHITE
I'm quite proud of this weeks
little RS concoction. There is some cool shite from all over
the place that's sure to turn some smiles into frowns into
smirks. Check it...
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS |
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I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
An elderly couple, both well into their 80s,
go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can
I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual
intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so
amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges
them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and
asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit
puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple
makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the
doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine,
the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are
you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find
out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married
and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton
charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!!"
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in
front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands
on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock
is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And
whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's
Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us
that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked
the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as
a ceiling fan.
ORSM
VIDEO
Guess what? That's all! Finished! Acabado! Finito!
Fini! Terminado! All done for another week... which I have no doubt
will pass in the blink of an eye. I put my heart and soul into this
bad boy so if it sucks then I guess I do to...
Will I return next week? Yes... weather permitting
of course. In the mean time feel free to show me some love and spread
the Orsm word. It would go something like this: "Hi Fred, you should
really check out ORSM-DOT-NET. It's full of hot chicks, jokes, videos
and stacks of other cool stuff. As a matter of fact if you don't
go there and tell all your friends about it I'll kick your fucking
teeth in okay?!". Simple. Direct. Effective.
Until next time be good, stay off the chem's
and don't forget to rug up. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
